29.


28. The flagrant misuse of the term POV is ripping this society apart by the seams.


27. Everyone knows that changing how you feel changes how you feel.


26. Not only does correlation not imply causation — nothing implies causation. 


25. Soft things are too soft, unsoft things are too unsoft.


24. Listening to someone else's music choices is a free vacation from your own identity. 


23. "Oh, please." is a high-power retort.


22. I reject all explanations for how "regardless" means anything different than "irregardless." 
 

21. How seldom, when held up behind someone moving slower than me, do I take the opportunity to study the God-like resolve of a closed system transiting through reality, just as it will.


20. Can't decide if Seneca is a POS or not, but I'm leaning 'is'.


19. I don't know what it would take for me to become a guy that says, 'sick' instead of a guy who says: 'Marvellous! Simply Marvellous!'


18. If the days of the week were seven sisters, Tuesday would be the one who was standing in the way of her own happiness. 


17. Walking = nearly impossible.


16. Every illusion has the same Achilles heel. 


15. The residual body heat left by strangers in cafe chair padding is too much intimacy for a cafe. 


14. Even if the sky was red, the ocean would still be blue. Because the way that water works is that water molecules absorb longer wavelengths of light, like red and orange, while scattering and reflecting blue.


13. All of this new stuff feels like it's been here forever already, and that nothing could ever make it go away.


12. Being wrong is, in fact, a gradient. 


11. Ill-equipped for two letters coming together to form a single new sound, my brain has chosen to read the word "earthlings" as eart-hlings. 


10. As far as I can tell, the stars have been getting dimmer and dimmer since 2005.
 

9. Few things get their revenge quite like the obvious.


8. The same thing that happened to Taco Bell is happening to everything now.


7. These days, I hardly ever hear two people talking about how much fun they had throwing dirt clods at a passing train.


6. The  quality gap between mineral sunblock and the regular kind is well worth the price gouging. 


5. The guy I hate has all the same hobbies as me.


4. Four has been deleted, and replaced.  
  

3. Below your bottom axiom lies a spiral staircase
   into the dark.


2. The phoenix doesn't get to skip the dying part.


1. I hate the wind.